Deanna Gets Real

I took a long break from blogging and quilting over the past year or so. November 22, 2015, I was rushed in for an early emergent C-section. We had a scheduled one planned for December 2, but my babies decided to come earlier than planned.

Amelie in front, Jane in back

We found out at 18 weeks one of our sweet girls would not live long, if at all, after birth. Our other baby grew slowly. Their growth was monitored carefully, and we prepared ourselves for bringing home one baby; while mourning the loss of the other one.

Thanksgiving in the NICU

After 3 weeks in the NICU, we were able to bring our baby Jane home. I found myself in awe over her tiny body, tiny fingers and toes, that was healthy. I felt very blessed for having such a robust little girl; and I felt pained at the loss of our other daughter Amelie.

Home at 1 month old

Jane and I tried very hard to breastfeed, but were unsuccessful, so most of my days revolved around waking to pump, freezing and thawing breast milk and eating enough to make more. Jane continued to grow at her own pace and by 4 months, made it on the growth charts, however she was unable to roll over or sit up on her own. At about 4 months, I felt a change inside.

I was trying so hard to feed the baby and play with the baby and recover from surgery and on and on, postpartum depression sank in, and by month 5 I decided to get some help. I was prescribed some medication which took the edge off. My husband was assigned to work out of state for 10+ weeks, so I retreated to my sister's home and stayed with her while my body adjusted to the medication. She helped me so much. She, in her no nonsense way would allow me to cry and would cry with me, tell me it was ok to stop pumping, and helped me teach Jane to roll over and sit up. Jane cut some teeth and as if an alarm went off, she was able to roll over, sit up and scoot on her belly.

Now, Jane is an active 14 month old and enjoys independent play. I finally feel ready to begin quilting, sewing and blogging again.

Projects I Want to Tackle

I think I may have hit my nesting phase a week shy of the second trimester.  Recently I have spent many lazy evenings on the couch perusing pinterest to find delicious projects I would like to complete by October for my little humans.  I took stock of my juvenile prints and have a few items picked out to make receiving blankets, burp rags, bibs and their special baby quilts.

Here's a smattering of links I would like to use as "pinspiration" for these projects.

http://creativelychristy.blogspot.com/2010/03/tutorial-carseat-canopy.html?m+1

From website listed above

I will be doing double duty on this one!  Two babies, two car seats.  Perhaps this might be a way to differentiate the children once they arrive.  Her tutorial seems simple and straight forward.  Many of these car seat canopies use minky.  I seldom have negative feelings, but I HATE MINKY.  I am just too much of a spazz to use this fabric.  Especially on something that will be getting a lot of wear and tear.  Minky makes such a mess just by cutting it, let alone dealing with its propensity to stretching all over the place.  My babies are due in December, so they will need something that will help them maintain their body heat.  I think this will be an easy option and keep me from having to purchase more fabric.  I am determined to use up my stash!

http://www.stayathomeartist.com/2012/07/reversible-flannel-receiving-blankets.html?m=1

From website listed above

I have actually MADE these before eons ago.  I really like using coordinating flannel.  The two flannels stick together making cutting and sewing a treat.  I may not round my corners as the tutorial shows because I am not adept as sewing "round" stuff.  I want to use a quilting cotton and a flannel on mine.  I think that will be a nice alternative because during spring the temperatures in North Carolina have a tendency to fluctuate.  I feel like having ALL flannel might cause baby heat stroke.  No one wants that.

https://sewshesews.wordpress.com/2010/04/08/quilted-patchwork-bib-pattern-and-tutorial/

Photo from website above

I have loved these bibs since I first spied them on pinterest.  I think it would be a PERFECT project for all sorts of my fabric and batting scraps.  Her tutorial is very detailed, but I wonder if I can conquer my fear of curves.  I may modify the pattern and make the bottom portion more square and only deal with the curves around the neck.

I love the idea of fussy cutting shown on this one

I have also sketched out similar chevron quilts for each baby.  In my heart of hearts, I would love one of each.  When I sketched these quilts I figured the one on the left "felt" more masculine and the one on the right "felt" more feminine.  I am not sure if I want to use subtle prints for each color or use solids.  I still have a TON of Kona Navy left over from projects, {Deanna's Dresden and Naughts and Crosses} but I also have a celestial themed print that has swirls and stars with a dark navy background.  I want the grey to be a true grey, not charcoal.  I haven't really found the color I want to use for the grey yet.  I may not attain my goal of only using what I have on these ones.  I think it is allowed, though, since these will be the babies special quilts.  I want the yellow to be bright and sunny.  All of these colors are gender neutral, but complement each other well.  

The babies will share a room as we live in an apartment.  I plan on decorating primarily with Navy, Grey and Yellow.  I registered for yellow and white chevron black out curtains for their room.  I also plan on using a bunting I made as decoration for an anniversary party last year.

I also scored some free terry cloth fabric in white and cream to use in making burp rags.  I also plan on embellishing some cloth diapers with strips of fabric or trim.  Yet another way to use up my stash.

Due to feeling sick and tired, I haven't touched my sewing machine at ALL through the first trimester.  For all my mommy and or quilting friends, is this too ambitious for a first time mommy carrying twins?  What would your suggestions be on my baby quilt plans?

Let me hear your comments!

Making McNays

It has been quite some time since I blogged about quilting or anything else.  I still feel like I have lost some of my quilting mojo (see last post here).  I have a friend who is welcoming a new arrival in July and I have yet to finish her quilt TOP let alone quilt it and bind it.  Perhaps her little fella will just have to be patient.

I blogged about our first IVF attempt here, unfortunately the little embryos didn't take. :(

We tried again in April and my hormone levels were indicating a pregnancy.  Both my husband and I were over the moon!  we were so excited.  We got to see the heart beat and the first little images of our embryo in late April.  I proudly hung my ultrasound image on the fridge.

After implantation the second time

When working with fertility clinics they generally keep patients under their care until the first trimester is over.  I go in for ultrasounds every two weeks.

Last week, Wednesday, my husband and I went for the second ultrasound and the doctor asked how many embryos took, I announced "One." and he said "Well I hardly ever miss, but it looks like there is two in there."  My husband said "Yeah, that's about right" while I was speechless and a bit flabbergasted!

I wondered why I needed to move into maternity pants so quick.  I really thought my weight gain was getting out of control.  It turns out that I am right on track with twins.  Many of our loving friends have donated outgrown baby toys, or have promised us baby gear.

We are so humbled by the generosity of friends and family.  Expecting twins the first go around will be challenging.  I will have to quit my out side the house job in order to care for them.  That is a bit scary for me since the longest I have been without a job is 6 months.  I often ask myself if I will have the mental fortitude and physical stamina to meet the demands of a stay at home mom.  It will be quite a hit to our household income when I leave the work force.  One of the biggest items we are in need of is a decent washer and dryer.  We were gifted a set from the 1970's complete with faux wood paneling!  Unfortunately, the washer is not wringing out as much water as it should, AND they are very energy inefficient.

I hope to continue to tutor students and dare I say sell quilty items to generate a bit of extra income.  

That may have to happen once the babies are a bit older and less demanding.

So here's to the two little people I am currently "making"

I've Lost that Quilting Mojo

After finding out our first IVF attempt was not successful, I fell into an emotional and creative funk. I am lucky, though, my husband was supportive during this time. As I look back, I can tell having my hormones decrease quickly greatly contributed to the depressed state. Subsequently, I have had a difficult time trying to get quilting again.

I decided that I would begin to tackle some of my WIP projects.

I went back to my Block of the Month project, a free class offered by Craftsy taught by Amy Gibson, in an attempt to conquer my FEAR apprehension of paper piecing. I dug through my box of fabric I have set aside for this project and found some pieces that were still big enough for me to use.  I picked my fabrics, cut out my paper templates and "sewed" over the lines to perforate the paper.  I did my best to keep my fabrics similar - meaning having the same fabric in the same spot for each piece.  

I chose a patriotic theme for this project

Honestly, I had a hard time keeping fabric A, fabric B and template all together.  I had to rip out some of my seams which resulted in a casualty of one of my templates. 

MAJOR FRUSTRATION

Some of my fabric pieces don't go all the way out to the edge of the template.  I found that super frustrating.  

Semi-Complete parts of the paper piecing block

So here I am asking the bloggosphere - what are your paper piecing tips and tricks.  how do you get those layers to stay straight and keep your template together?

Musing Impending Implantation

Ken and Me on the Cruise in October

Hello Blogging, Quilting, and Actual in Person Friends!  I haven't been doing much in the way of completing or starting new quilting or sewing projects.  Instead, I have been preparing for embryo implantation.  Each night I get a shot or two in my hip area, take a myriad of medications or supplements and try not to "stress out".  

I am so thankful for the outpouring of love sent to us from our local and far away friends.  One woman offered to bring dinner without even asking!  My brother and dad are driving to North Carolina from Washington State to be here and help me while I recover.

The recovery part isn't so bad, its the three days of bed rest that might cause me to lose my marbles.  I think the hardest thing for me will be that I will have time at home, but not be able to sew.  For the first two days I have to be horizontal as much as possible.  I believe it would be quite challenging (and quite a sight) to sew in the prone position.  The second day I am able to take a shower, which is nice.

Our Embryos are at the blastocyst stage

Many have asked how I feel about the IVF process, and especially embryo implantation.  I am cautiously optimistic.  I have to stave off the impulse to purchase maternity clothes and make all sorts of baby quilts. I want to buy all sorts of tiny clothes and wash them and fold them and put them away in the dressers we have for our tiny humans.  I want to feel excited, hopeful and plan for the future of our tiny humans.  I want all those things; but I don't know how I will deal with the disappointment if the embryos do not implant.  I don't know how I can go thorough another two months of appointments and needle sticks.  Or even more scary, what if our child is born but lives for only a short moment.  These are also things I think about.  These are questions I don't have answers to.  I almost feel like there are more people excited for me than I am excited for myself.

Hoping to end up with one of these

Oh My Heart Finish

I started this project just a wee bit ago.  I am feeling SUPER accomplished for THREE reasons.

Reason the First  - It is the quickest "from concept to finish" quilt I have EVER finished.  I blogged about that HERE.  I started January 17 and finished it January 26.  

Planning Phase

Pieced and in Strips - rough lay out

Reason the Second - I sewed from just my stash.  When I first was inspired, it was quite late at night and I knew I needed to stick to what I had on hand.  Generally, things are kinda lean at El Casa del McNay around this time of year anyway.  PLUS like most quilters I don't use the fabric as quickly as I buy it.  I have scads of random scraps that I just need to cut into usable bits and put in my storage containers.  I have them neatly labeled with the size of the squares.

Quilt back with left over purples from my stash

Reason the Third - I used Free Motion Quilting on this project! (woot woot)  Ever since my first pieced quilt fiasco (read about that HERE) I am gun shy about FMQ.  I made some of the same mistakes, but I took the time to pick them out and make do with what I had. 

FMQ and Straight line. <3 that scrappy binding

Showing off the drape

I did learn some more quilting lessons.  I should have spray basted and use more pins to baste this quilt.  I also should have ironed and starched the top.  I think both would help with the shifting.  This size was less intimidating than other quilts I completed on my home machine.  

Finished and my *heart* is happy :)

I am overall pleased with how nice it washed up.  It's true that the quilting can hide a multitude of quilty sins!  Perhaps quilty inexperience is the better term.

My Husband told me that the quilt looked like a broken heart.  He felt the low volume squares and the light pink squares didn't provide enough contrast.  I used straight line quilting on the heart squares and meandering Free Motion Quilting on the low volume squares and the border.  I think the difference in quilting helps the heart shape to pop out more.

All wrinkly from the first wash.

 What would you do to make the heart "pop"?  Have you ever had a quick finish?  Tell me in the comments below!  I love your feedback!

Oh my Heart - A quick turn around from Idea to a quilt top - Kinda

My Husband bought me these Tetris stickers that look like the terminos.  He knows I like to play the game and create shapes.  He bought them while he was on a business trip and had some time to kill before flying home. There are many who have made Tetris quilts, and I may have mentioned it to him.  At any rate he saw them and snatched them up. This was one of my Christmas gifts.

When I saw the outlines for suggested shapes one can make with the stickers I thought VALENTINE WALL HANGING.

The Inspiration - struck just Tuesday

I created a key for myself and picked out fabrics from my stash.  The red and white one has arrows with heart-shaped arrowheads.  There are some scraps of some red Kona, pretty light pink floral, red with white polka dots, a light pink with white hearts and a super sweet stripe with pink bars and little rose buds.  

I used low volume charms from an online low-volume charm swap and other low volume fabrics in my stash.

I know it's kind of hard to see, but it is a pretty heart.  It is a LOT bigger than I imagined it.  I probably should have used 2.5 inch squares instead of the 3.5 inch squares.  Each row has 13 squares.

Blocks sewn together for a Valentine Surprise

So far this is the quickest turn around I have done from idea to sewn.  I still need to sew the strips together.  I am pleased with the quick turn around and decided to stop sewing at 12:30 am.

I took a few quick pictures and wanted to share my "Friday Finish".  I promise to post more pictures when I sew the strips together and get it all cute and quilty.

I am thinking about adding a muslin border about 6.5 inches around the whole thing to help the reds and pinks stand out.  I also thought about adding a grey and white chevron fabric border, but then perhaps that might compete with the reds and pinks.

Sound off and tell me what you would do!  I love getting comments from the community.

Steps to baby makin'

Some of you are people I speak with or write to on a regular basis.  Some of you are far flung across the globe, and still some are a few hours drive away.

I decided to write a post about the needles, surgical procedures and the results of my infertility protocol.  Ken wanted a baby for Christmas, and well we pretty much got them - kinda.

Throughout the months of November and December, I was in and out of my doctor's office with ultrasounds and blood draws to monitor my estrogen levels.  I was getting injections of medication to stimulate super ovulation, and then keep the eggs to maturity.  So two shots a day and blood draw every third day.  My arms were sore, and as the eggs were developing, my ovaries swelled to the size of large grapefruits.  

Three days before egg harvest, I could not even stand to wear jeans.  I wore the same pair of yoga pants three days in a row because it was all that fit and met the decency criteria for public wear.  

Christmas Eve was the day of harvest.  We arrived bright and early at our clinic for our harvest surgery.  I wasn't nervous.  I changed out of the three day old yoga pants and into the flattering hospital gown.  I crowned my head with a hair net and sat in the pre-op/post-op recovery area.  

My anesthesiologist (the gas man) walked me to the surgical suite and got me on the table, then inserted my IV.  He talked with me for a bit and then I was out.  

They told me I was a good patient and they were able to harvest 19 viable eggs.  Ken and I were happy.  Ken provided a semen specimen and the embryologist joined egg and sperm.  We waited 7 days and got a call that 10 of our fertilized eggs divided and are now at the blastocyst stage.

Our little embryos are waiting while my body recouporates from the extreme hormone treatment from harvest.  I will begin preparation for my implantation in about three weeks.

I hope all goes well and my uterus does its job and gets ready for my little embryos to nestle in and grow into fetuses and eventually babies.

We will know if the implantation procedure worked  about a week after implantation.

Here's hoping for a positive blood test.

Thoughts on the Road to Making More McNays

This month we embarked on our journey towards parenthood.  It all started with a surgery. (That's what all good medical stories start with).  We were delayed in starting fertility treatments due to some nice cysts that grew on my ovaries.  Our doctor monitored them and decided that they needed to be dealt with.  

The following day I was getting looped up on some awesome drugs for an early morning procedure.  The doctor used a huge needle to aspirate both cysts.  A was "awake" but not aware of anything.  The last thing I remember was putting on the clinic's socks over my socks and moving towards the table with the stirrups.  Then I was waking up in my bed.  Ken helped me get dressed and drove me home, brought me into the house and put me to bed and I had no recollection.

Does anyone else find it eerie when recovering from anesthesia or other medication that causes amnesia???

Anyhooo - we waited all day Friday for all my medications to arrive from our special pharmacy.  The medication was ordered Thursday with overnight shipping for Friday.  The parcel didn't arrive at all Friday, although UPS did deliver the previously ordered dog shampoo.

I called UPS and they told me that the local distribution facility was closed for the weekend and my package would be delivered Monday.  I waited ALL DAY Monday and even missed work for this package.  I was also scheduled to tutor a student that evening, and so, after waiting all day; I decided to take my chances and go to my tutoring appointment.  

As I was leaving, I got a call from UPS stating that my package would arrive between 8:00 and 8:30 pm.  Although I got lost on the way to my appointment, I tutored my student and raced home - barely making it for 8:30.  

It was evident that UPS hadn't even arrived as there wasn't a note left on my door.  I beat them home!  I called UPS and spoke with someone to make sure my arrangements for picking up the parcel at the distribution hub. 

As I hung up the phone, I heard the familiar roar of a diesel engine and squeal of brakes.  The UPS man arrived with my medications at 9:00 pm.  

I promptly unpacked the box and stored the medications in their proper places (refrigerated and non refrigerated).  I gazed at our little Christmas tree and reflected on the little miracles that took place over the past two weeks.

1. Payments were made in full to begin treatments and pay for surgery
2. Surgery was successful and I recovered with minor pain
3. Money for medication was available and paid
4. My husband has a generous employer that offers great health coverage including fertility treatments
5. My husband was wise with finances in having money available to make sure payments were made
6. The medications arrived just in time for me to begin the hormone therapy
7. I have generous friends and family who participated in our fundraiser last year to help off set medical costs
8. I have a local support system that encourage me and are willing to give me my shots 

I think I need not any gifts for Christmas this year.  All we really want is for the treatments to be successful and result in pregnancy.

Growing the Family One Step at a Time

It has been QUITE a while since I have blogged about increasing the number of members of our family.  Attitudes have changed and we have experienced emotional and spiritual growth.

We came to the conclusion that being foster parents would not be in our best interests.  As we took the classes offered by our county human services department, Ken and I became polarized in the ages that we would want to foster.  Our opinions caused hurt feelings and divisiveness in our relationship.  We came to the conclusion if we were in this much disagreement before we have children staying with us, then who knows what sort of turmoil having a child with baggage may cause.  In addition, there would be additional monthly expenses that could not be factored into our already tight budget.

We are currently working with a nationally top rated fertility clinic to add babies to our family.  The physician sat us down and in no uncertain terms explained I had reached my lifetime limit of clomid and femara.  These drugs stimulate ovulation, however in my body, they also cause large cysts formed on my ovaries.  We were told that IVF or embryo adoption would be our ONLY options.  The physician also told me that my weight (which had increased steadily as I took the various courses of clomid and femara) needed to decrease by 40-50 pounds.  

I have been a round chubby person my WHOLE life.  Working out and eating fewer calories has NEVER worked for me.  The problems that I have with fertility also exacerbate my weight problems.  I was prescribed a medication that helps my neurotransmitters associated with appetite and satiation.  I have also been being held accountable for my food choices by a friend in which we made the same commitments to one another.  We offer encouragement to each other and "confess" when we make mistakes.

So since August 30th I have lost 17 pounds.  

I am grateful for the encouragement of my dear husband and other friends for their encouragement.

And as an additional bonus through my employer, I earned a Carnival cruise to the BAHAMAS.  Ken and I are not the "go on a vacation" type.  Vacation to us is a road trip or accompanying my husband while he's traveling for work.  This is going to be super exciting for the both of us.