Deanna Gets Real

I took a long break from blogging and quilting over the past year or so. November 22, 2015, I was rushed in for an early emergent C-section. We had a scheduled one planned for December 2, but my babies decided to come earlier than planned.

Amelie in front, Jane in back

We found out at 18 weeks one of our sweet girls would not live long, if at all, after birth. Our other baby grew slowly. Their growth was monitored carefully, and we prepared ourselves for bringing home one baby; while mourning the loss of the other one.

Thanksgiving in the NICU

After 3 weeks in the NICU, we were able to bring our baby Jane home. I found myself in awe over her tiny body, tiny fingers and toes, that was healthy. I felt very blessed for having such a robust little girl; and I felt pained at the loss of our other daughter Amelie.

Home at 1 month old

Jane and I tried very hard to breastfeed, but were unsuccessful, so most of my days revolved around waking to pump, freezing and thawing breast milk and eating enough to make more. Jane continued to grow at her own pace and by 4 months, made it on the growth charts, however she was unable to roll over or sit up on her own. At about 4 months, I felt a change inside.

I was trying so hard to feed the baby and play with the baby and recover from surgery and on and on, postpartum depression sank in, and by month 5 I decided to get some help. I was prescribed some medication which took the edge off. My husband was assigned to work out of state for 10+ weeks, so I retreated to my sister's home and stayed with her while my body adjusted to the medication. She helped me so much. She, in her no nonsense way would allow me to cry and would cry with me, tell me it was ok to stop pumping, and helped me teach Jane to roll over and sit up. Jane cut some teeth and as if an alarm went off, she was able to roll over, sit up and scoot on her belly.

Now, Jane is an active 14 month old and enjoys independent play. I finally feel ready to begin quilting, sewing and blogging again.

Musing Impending Implantation

Ken and Me on the Cruise in October

Hello Blogging, Quilting, and Actual in Person Friends!  I haven't been doing much in the way of completing or starting new quilting or sewing projects.  Instead, I have been preparing for embryo implantation.  Each night I get a shot or two in my hip area, take a myriad of medications or supplements and try not to "stress out".  

I am so thankful for the outpouring of love sent to us from our local and far away friends.  One woman offered to bring dinner without even asking!  My brother and dad are driving to North Carolina from Washington State to be here and help me while I recover.

The recovery part isn't so bad, its the three days of bed rest that might cause me to lose my marbles.  I think the hardest thing for me will be that I will have time at home, but not be able to sew.  For the first two days I have to be horizontal as much as possible.  I believe it would be quite challenging (and quite a sight) to sew in the prone position.  The second day I am able to take a shower, which is nice.

Our Embryos are at the blastocyst stage

Many have asked how I feel about the IVF process, and especially embryo implantation.  I am cautiously optimistic.  I have to stave off the impulse to purchase maternity clothes and make all sorts of baby quilts. I want to buy all sorts of tiny clothes and wash them and fold them and put them away in the dressers we have for our tiny humans.  I want to feel excited, hopeful and plan for the future of our tiny humans.  I want all those things; but I don't know how I will deal with the disappointment if the embryos do not implant.  I don't know how I can go thorough another two months of appointments and needle sticks.  Or even more scary, what if our child is born but lives for only a short moment.  These are also things I think about.  These are questions I don't have answers to.  I almost feel like there are more people excited for me than I am excited for myself.

Hoping to end up with one of these

Thoughts on the Road to Making More McNays

This month we embarked on our journey towards parenthood.  It all started with a surgery. (That's what all good medical stories start with).  We were delayed in starting fertility treatments due to some nice cysts that grew on my ovaries.  Our doctor monitored them and decided that they needed to be dealt with.  

The following day I was getting looped up on some awesome drugs for an early morning procedure.  The doctor used a huge needle to aspirate both cysts.  A was "awake" but not aware of anything.  The last thing I remember was putting on the clinic's socks over my socks and moving towards the table with the stirrups.  Then I was waking up in my bed.  Ken helped me get dressed and drove me home, brought me into the house and put me to bed and I had no recollection.

Does anyone else find it eerie when recovering from anesthesia or other medication that causes amnesia???

Anyhooo - we waited all day Friday for all my medications to arrive from our special pharmacy.  The medication was ordered Thursday with overnight shipping for Friday.  The parcel didn't arrive at all Friday, although UPS did deliver the previously ordered dog shampoo.

I called UPS and they told me that the local distribution facility was closed for the weekend and my package would be delivered Monday.  I waited ALL DAY Monday and even missed work for this package.  I was also scheduled to tutor a student that evening, and so, after waiting all day; I decided to take my chances and go to my tutoring appointment.  

As I was leaving, I got a call from UPS stating that my package would arrive between 8:00 and 8:30 pm.  Although I got lost on the way to my appointment, I tutored my student and raced home - barely making it for 8:30.  

It was evident that UPS hadn't even arrived as there wasn't a note left on my door.  I beat them home!  I called UPS and spoke with someone to make sure my arrangements for picking up the parcel at the distribution hub. 

As I hung up the phone, I heard the familiar roar of a diesel engine and squeal of brakes.  The UPS man arrived with my medications at 9:00 pm.  

I promptly unpacked the box and stored the medications in their proper places (refrigerated and non refrigerated).  I gazed at our little Christmas tree and reflected on the little miracles that took place over the past two weeks.

1. Payments were made in full to begin treatments and pay for surgery
2. Surgery was successful and I recovered with minor pain
3. Money for medication was available and paid
4. My husband has a generous employer that offers great health coverage including fertility treatments
5. My husband was wise with finances in having money available to make sure payments were made
6. The medications arrived just in time for me to begin the hormone therapy
7. I have generous friends and family who participated in our fundraiser last year to help off set medical costs
8. I have a local support system that encourage me and are willing to give me my shots 

I think I need not any gifts for Christmas this year.  All we really want is for the treatments to be successful and result in pregnancy.

Quilt Tops and Love

I wanted to blog about the process of one of my most recent quilt top finish for about two weeks.  My husband brought home a nasty virus and we spent about two weeks sick. Hopefully I will get some good pictures of the quilt top for this post.  

It all started with a phone call.  I called home and by brother answered the phone.  We talked about school, Seahawks, a girl who he's interested in, cool YouTube videos, music and such.  And I asked him if he would want a quilt.  He told me he thought that any sort of handmade gift is awesome and special.  

Now this brother is kind of a "black sheep".  Most families have one.  He has made some poor choices and had alot of struggles.  Some of those struggles are self inflicted, others are bumps throughout life, exacerbated by his choices.  There are some days when he thinks I am a corporate sell-out, others that I am the only one who "gets" him.

I asked if he wanted me to make him a quilt, and what sort of color scheme he likes.  He told me that he liked the new Seahawks colors.  I went on to the interwebs and researched the new colors and then I pulled out my trusty grid composition book and started sketching out ideas.


I decided that I would also include the old Seahawks colors as well.  This was the first time I actually sketched out a quilt top instead of just winging it.

notes for 12th man quilt

During planning and sewing of this quilt top I have had very unique impressions that this quilt will serve as a symbol of care and love.  Hopefully I have made it long enough since the guy is over six feet tall.

using notes to layout blocks

seahawks quilt all bound washed and dried

12th man block and my gold toes at the bottom

Have you ever made a quilt or handicraft that you knew would be cherished by the recipient?