16 January 2017

Deanna Gets Real

I took a long break from blogging and quilting over the past year or so. November 22, 2015, I was rushed in for an early emergent C-section. We had a scheduled one planned for December 2, but my babies decided to come earlier than planned.

Amelie in front, Jane in back

We found out at 18 weeks one of our sweet girls would not live long, if at all, after birth. Our other baby grew slowly. Their growth was monitored carefully, and we prepared ourselves for bringing home one baby; while mourning the loss of the other one.

Thanksgiving in the NICU
After 3 weeks in the NICU, we were able to bring our baby Jane home. I found myself in awe over her tiny body, tiny fingers and toes, that was healthy. I felt very blessed for having such a robust little girl; and I felt pained at the loss of our other daughter Amelie.

Home at 1 month old
Jane and I tried very hard to breastfeed, but were unsuccessful, so most of my days revolved around waking to pump, freezing and thawing breast milk and eating enough to make more. Jane continued to grow at her own pace and by 4 months, made it on the growth charts, however she was unable to roll over or sit up on her own. At about 4 months, I felt a change inside.

I was trying so hard to feed the baby and play with the baby and recover from surgery and on and on, postpartum depression sank in, and by month 5 I decided to get some help. I was prescribed some medication which took the edge off. My husband was assigned to work out of state for 10+ weeks, so I retreated to my sister's home and stayed with her while my body adjusted to the medication. She helped me so much. She, in her no nonsense way would allow me to cry and would cry with me, tell me it was ok to stop pumping, and helped me teach Jane to roll over and sit up. Jane cut some teeth and as if an alarm went off, she was able to roll over, sit up and scoot on her belly.

Now, Jane is an active 14 month old and enjoys independent play. I finally feel ready to begin quilting, sewing and blogging again.